


Yakko Steals a Car

by Seiko_Yume



Series: Warner Kids Funny Doings [2]
Category: Animaniacs
Genre: Cars, Don't post to other sites, Gen, Theft, he's not even old enough for a permit, headcanon that the warner sibs just bathe fully clothed, let them curse, no one knows how to do laundry so they have to compromise, swear words again, teen driving unattended by adults
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-26
Updated: 2020-11-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:47:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27727039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seiko_Yume/pseuds/Seiko_Yume
Summary: The Warner kids want to go to 7-11, but the nearest store is a two hour walk away! The clever oldest sibling has an idea.
Series: Warner Kids Funny Doings [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2027417
Comments: 19
Kudos: 123





	Yakko Steals a Car

**Author's Note:**

> I just want to own the fact that I am terrible at writing these kids' characters because there are several times when they're OOC.

Summer heat blazed the Earth's surface, scorching the inhabitants exposed to it. It's a marvel that anything on the planet is still alive in this horrific Hellscape of an ecosystem, with the predominant species morphing the climate into something barely habitable while simultaneously ignoring the fact that the planet is slowly turning into a fireball before their very eyes. Despite the actual fire, flood and disease plaguing the land, there were still ways to cope with the unbearable heat, coping mechanisms that mostly people in first world countries had access to. If the Warner siblings had a quarter for every time these thoughts crept up on them while they were supposed to be zany, their nicknames would all be "dick."

Wakko groaned as he rolled around in the ball pit-turned-pool, even the running water from the hose was turning hot in the sun's heat, and the Warners refused to bring it inside the water tower because the building just about turned into a giant slow cooker. Dot picked up a colorful ball floating in the water and sniffed it before jerking back and scrunching her nose.

"Yakko, this ball pit smells weird. How do you even sleep in this?" She complained.

Yakko shrugged as he doused the flames building up on his black fur..... again. "I 'unno. I found it at an empty convention in 2014." Yakko responded.

Dot squinted her eyes and stared at her brother for a full minute before she blinked and stood. "Okay, I'm not going to touch my eyes or face at all and go take a shower." She replied and walked back in the direction of the water tower.

"Good luck not getting cooked from the inside out!" Yakko shouted.

A bubbling escaped from beneath, as Wakko groaned again while submerged in the lukewarm water. Yakko pulled him out by the tail and held him to his face.

"Aw, what's wrong brother o' mine? Did you finally give up on mankind and try to drown yourself?" He asked, his big brother instincts kicking in. Wakko crossed his arms.

"Oh I gave up a long time ago," he smirked, receiving a 'heh same' from Yakko before his smile fell again and he fell limp, "what's wrong is it's too hooooot!"

In an instant, Yakko got an idea. "Oh, I know what'll cool ourselves off on a hot day, icees!" He exclaimed.

Wakko was about to reach behind his back for a toon-materialized icee before Yakko briskly grabbed his wrist.

"No, no Wakko. This can't be our cartoon ass-ice. It's gotta be the good kind that won't melt immediately under the sun's harsh rays!" Yakko replied, but Wakko's body was already melting.

Yakko watched as his brother turned into a mess of knock-off character ice pop fluids, only popping back to normal when he completely melted out of the oldest Warner's paw.

"You mean we're going to Seven-Eleven?!" Wakko bounced excitedly.

"Yep! Lemme go get Dot real quick." Yakko stretched his arm all the way up to the Warner Bros. water tower. throwing the door open and grabbing Dot out of the shower, fully clothed. He dragged her out and plopped her back into the pool where the two brothers stood.

"Hey!" She barked, upset at the fact she was put in strange-smelling ball water again.

"Oh please, it's not like anyone peed in the ball pit." Yakko rolled his eyes.

"We're going to Seven-Eleven!" Wakko blurted.

Dot raised an eyebrow. "Isn't the nearest Seven-Eleven an hour-- _two hours_ walk away? On the hottest recorded day of the decade?" Dot asked, immediately shutting her brothers down.

Wakko fell to his knees and yelled out a very long 'NOOOOO' while Yakko tried looking around for any new plans. Any possible ways he could safely get his siblings to Seven-Eleven without having to walk two hours, dying in the heat. His eyes scanned the Warner Movie Studios, to cameras, golf carts with no air conditioning, set workers he could probably jockey for a few minutes-- Yakko mentally slapped himself. Yakko didn't know why it didn't occur to him sooner, but when he saw the car pull into the parking lot, a lightbulb appeared above his head and he turned back to his younger siblings.

"Sibs! I have another idea. Follow me and act completely natural!" He directed, walking in the direction of the driver exiting the car.

They walked straight past them, replaced the keys in their pocket with some shrapnel, then up to the car, pressing the unlock button. Yakko promptly opened the back seat car door for this siblings.

"After you." He offered.

Dot's eyes widened, both anxious they were going to commit a more serious, un-toony crime, but thrilled for the same reasons. "Woah, we're going to steal a car?!" She beamed.

Yakko wagged his finger. "No no no, we're _borrowing_ a car." He winked.

"I call shotgun!" Wakko shouted, climbing in through the back seat, all the way over to the front passenger side.

Dot had no choice but to take the back seat while Yakko took the driver's side. He had some experience with a car in the past, over twenty-two years ago. He knew enough to be able to adjust his seat and put the engine into drive, but other than that, he was but a spring dove. However, even though he moved his seat as close to the pedals as it would go, Yakko found himself barely able to reach the gas pedal. Tragedy of being perpetually fourteen. Still, he managed to rest his toes against it and decided that would be enough to get to at least 40 mph.

Turning the key into the ignition and taking the car out of park, Yakko carefully tried his best to back out without hitting any of the other cars or pedestrians in the lot. He nearly wrecked and ran over the people behind him, but luckily modern cars had backup cameras that made the job a whole lot easier. Only at the last minute, when he backed too far into another car's rear, did the vehicle's owner realize their car was being whisked away. Yakko stepped on the gas as much as he could with his adolescent stature and sped away, making the owner eat his dust.

"Ha! So long, sucker!" Yakko taunted, leaving the Warner Movie Lot behind.

In the passenger seat, Wakko started pondering. "Wait, why can't we just do that teleportation void that we did in Toon Town?" Wakko asked.

"Well, not only is that copyrighted by Disney, but if we did, we wouldn't have an interesting fanfic topic to be involved in. Besides, I've always wanted to be an accomplice to an actual criminal!" Dot responded, leaning over to the front seat area. "Floor it, Yak!" She encouraged.

"Dot, I can't even reach the rest of the pedal. Also, put your seatbelt on." Yakko scolded.

Dot leaned back into her seat, but didn't put her seatbelt on.

Wakko laughed. "Haha, baby man."

"Well speak for yourself, Mister Massachusetts, Louisiana." Yakko grumbled.

"That's not even right you fucking troglodyte." said Wakko.

"Keep that up and you can walk to Seven-Eleven." Yakko threatened as he made a turn.

"Like your short-ass leg can even kick me out of this car." Wakko teased.

" _I'm taller than you._ " 

"Guys- guys I think-" Dot took a quick look to the rear window, then back to her bickering brothers.

"Then how come I can kick you from all the way over here?"

"You don't even have your seatbelt on and _I'm driving!_ "

"Guys I think the cops are behind us." Dot announced.

"What about it, _baby ma-_ Wait what." Wakko and Yakko were snapped out of their bickering and noticed the red and blue lights in the rearview mirrors. Yakko's heart sunk.

"Ahh shit," he breathed before undoing his own seatbelt and scooting up forward as far as he could on his seat, "welp, let's book it." And with that, he slammed his whole foot on the gas pedal, the tires screeching as the cops trailed behind them.

Yakko took sharp turns, paying no mind when he drove up against sides of curbs, on sidewalks, and even hit a street light with the side of the car, leaving the hull scratched greatly and his younger siblings terrified. Wakko jumped into the back seat, landing in the lap of his trembling sister, strapping the seatbelt over the both of them as well as the two other seatbelts to their sides. They clung to each other for dear life as Yakko swerved and drifted, driving in two lanes at once and cutting other drivers off. Yakko then took a sharp right into a road that branched off into the middle of a neighborhood he didn't recognize, parked and looked over his shoulder into the back window.

"Are they still on us?" He asked, checking his rear view. Much to the Warners' dismay, the cop car drove right up behind them. "No fucking way" he muttered to himself, "Okay, let's all act calm. Big bro Yakko will handle this!" He smiled, pointing to himself heroically when he actually had zero clue on how to handle the situation at all. Ever since Dot made the protest to allow toons to vote, a new act was passed to hold toons accountable of their actions, which meant Yakko could go to juvenile detention. Yakko took a deep breath, put his seatbelt back on, and rolled down his window as the officer walked up to it. The officer was somewhat baffled at seeing not only a toon, but someone who might as well be a child in the driver's seat.

"Is there an officer, problem?" quipped Yakko in a laid-back, smug manner.

The officer inhaled, this wasn't the most bullshit-y thing he's had to deal with in his career, but it was certainly something. The officer took out a pen and a notepad.

"First off- are you even old enough to drive?" The officer inquired.

"Oh haha, suuuure! Of course I'm old enough, I was born in 1930!" Yakko chortled.

"Do you have any identification?"

"My face, of course."

The officer took another long inhale and wrote something else down on the notepad, Yakko internally screaming while his siblings sat in anticipation.

Looking back at Yakko, he then asked, "Do you have any idea that you turned without signaling several times, initiated high-speed chase, went twenty miles over the speed limit, caused property damage, drifted over in another lane for a mile, and refused to pull over to a cop?"

Yakko then mustered the most apologetic look he could possibly make. "Oh, I had no idea you were behind us, officer! You see- I have ADHD and it makes me a bit distracted sometimes. I don't always know my speed, what lane I'm in, whether or not I signaled- heck, I didn't even notice I hit something!" The fact he had ADHD wasn't a lie. All the Warner siblings resided somewhere on the autism spectrum. It was, however, certainly awful of him to utilize his mental disorder as an excuse, while simultaneously generalizing real people with ASD.

"Are you under the influence of any drugs or alcohol?" The officer asked.

"Uhhh, let me check." Yakko said, peering into the backseat where his siblings sat. "I'm gonna cause a diversion. You two need to sneak out NOW." His siblings nodded, unfastening their seatbelts as quietly as they could. He then immediately swerved his head back to the cop. "Soooo! Officer Dick?"

"My name is Gerald."  
"Right, Bastard. Didn't see any drugs or alcohol back there, super sorry. You might want to check some other place but you really shouldn't drive while drunk, it's dangerous! I mean what _are_ you thinking, man! In this day and age there's a ton of crazy things happening, believe me. Like my show got two new seasons for the first time in twenty-two years! Can you believe that? Neither could I when I first heard it but when I did I thought: wow I could really take advantage of this opportunity for working on my internal problems. But what kind of kid's show wants to work on internal issues? Part of our target demographic are people age twelve to seven but then I watched Steven Universe. I know what you're thinking- that's such a radical liberalist thing to do- but believe me when I say Steven Universe taught me how to stick shift, I shit you not that show, among all the lessons it had, taught me how to tune a guitar," Yakko rambled, watching as his two siblings slinked around behind the cop and waved their arms on the other side of the sidewalk to show him that his diversion had worked successfully. He pulled a comically large pocket watch from his pants. "Wow, gee would you look at the time." he gabbled. Then, he gave the officer his signature kiss, slammed a cream pie in his face that he also pulled from his pants, slipped out of the car seatbelt and ran off with his siblings, leaving the cop to cough in a massive amount of toon dust that appeared as they ran.

"Nice work, Yakko!" Dot praised when they were far enough, while Yakko shrugged with a self-satisfied smile on his face.

"It was nothin' sibs. I was just doing what I knew best!" He replied.

"So does anyone know where we actually are in terms of distance to the Seven-Eleven?" asked Wakko.

"We-hhh..." Yakko was about to declare he knew, but actually didn't know at all. He didn't want to tell his siblings that they were lost, but it was an inevitable possibility.

Suddenly, Dot was in the foreground of the frame shot, pointing to the Seven-Eleven that was literally across the street. "There it is!" She proclaimed. Thank god for convenient cartoon logic, or else they would never be able to experience falling action today. Yakko immediately grabbed his siblings and pulled them across the road to the corner store, stopping right outside the door.

"Okay sibs, remember safety protocols!" He said, taking out a surgical mask, which the younger Warners mimicked the action and donned their masks.

They entered the store and raced over to the slushie machine, grabbing the biggest size before mixing and matching whatever flavors they could find. Yakko was able to make the trans flag with blue Fanta, cotton candy and Sprite flavors. Dot made a cool gradient with flavors that probably clashed with each other, but at least it looked cool. Wakko went all out and did whatever he wanted. He was a god among men that would make even Dionysus envious of his freedom and flavor genius. No one could understand his superior flavor mixing because they hadn't opened their third eye and gazed upon food with it in a loving manner for three weeks.

After the kids had their fun with the machine, it was time to make their purchase.... along with several snacks Wakko grabbed. The three of them had to combine their own pocket change to purchase. Despite being famous cartoon characters, the economy was in shambles and none of them were responsible enough to have the privilege of managing their own allowances. They are kids, after all. After paying for the slushies and snacks, the Warners exited the store and sat on the curb to enjoy their bounty. Yakko was halfway done with his slushie before the realization hit him.

"Wait, how do we get home?"


End file.
